Painting My First Painting

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I have never been someone who has been super creative. I mean I enjoy creative things like performing and acting and I have always done those, however there are a lot of creative mediums that do not come naturally to me and I have to struggle through them! When I was in high school, I got a part in one of the musicals.  The choir teacher actually wrote me out of several singing parts because I just couldn’t sing! I blame it on my squeaky ever changing teenage voice however to this day when I sing in my car with my windows down, magically those cars around me start to roll theirs up! I wonder why? ha ha ha…

One of the creative things that I am attempting at this point in my life is Painting. Not like my room or house or anything but actually painting on a canvas. I started this last summer and really started to enjoy it but I haven’t done it in quite some time.  So a few weekends ago I went out and bought some paint and an easel and started going at it. The hardest thing for me in painting is staring at a blank canvas. I am always so paranoid that I am going to “mess it up.” I know that in my own personal life I refuse to take risks because of this same reason. I don’t want to be hurt or hurt anyone else and I don’t want to make any more mistakes in my life so I’d rather just opt out of making any decisions that may affect that. This is the reason that I am so timid in my life and why I have become everyone’s best friend, because I am safe. I am safe because I am scared of being anything other than constant. I so desperately want to know what would happen in my life if I took risks with people or with situations.  They freak me out so I stand still and refuse to move at all.

Once I get the paint on the canvas I start to make broad brush strokes and then start adding different colors to my piece. The problem is that once in a while I will add too much of one color and I feel like it looks badly so I will try to brush it away with a different color.  Because I didn’t wait for the paint to dry, I smear it all across the painting!!! Then my mistake seeps into all the other areas that I’m proud of in my art work.  I worry that people everywhere are guaranteed to see it! I spend so much time in my life compartmentalizing things that eventually my faults and mistakes seem to seep into all of the areas of my life even the ones that I have tried to keep separate for so long. I am paranoid that everyone will see the writing on the wall and pick me out of the line up as the culprit who lies and hurts others.

The whole key I am learning in any painting, which is not an original thought but one that I got from a great book called THE ART OF LETTING GO, is to keep on going! I truly believe that the author is right in this book when he says that no matter how many mistakes we feel we have made on the canvas, we just have to keep adding layers and layers to our painting. In life we have strokes made for us or we make our own strokes that seem to do damage to the painting but as we continue on in our life and add layers and layers those mistakes seem to surface as beautiful accents to the true essence of our art!

Things in life are going to intrude on us and we have to keep going and keep going because hope comes in the morning. We may only have enough strength and hope to get through today.

We need to stop looking toward the future and being scared at the unkown and stop looking into the past and being disappointed at what has happened.  We need to start looking at today and the present as an opportunity to see new and exciting beauty that is coming from our lives!

We are great works of art! Of all the most amazing things I see around me, the sunrises and sunsets, the moutains and the beaches, the most beautiful and amazing thing is still us! All of us! That is a work of art we can look towards being most proud!

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